Watch your language!
Our birth stories. They're badges of honour. We share them with the best of intentions. Don't we?
What's our response when someone tells you they're going on holiday but they're scared of flying? Is it:
A) Oh yes, you should be the stats show so many out of so many planes crash; or
B) Oh you'll be fine, think of how amazing your holiday will be when you get there safe and sound.
Of course it's B! We're not cruel people.
I know that when I gave birth I wanted to share everything with my friends. I did it because I was proud of my birth experience but did I overshare? I meant to show how warrior like I felt for having been able to bring my gorgeous daughter into the world. I found the whole birth to be amazing, I wouldn't have changed anything but did that actually come across to my friends or did I scare them?
As soon as someone tells you they're pregnant for the first time, it feels like that gives us free reign to scare the hell out of them.
One Born Every Minute, films, soaps, they're all responsible for adding to that fear. One Born Every Minute is one of my favourite programmes. But why is it my favourite? It's because it's highly edited to make a dramatic hour of tv. It doesn't correctly portray birth because if it did people would realise that actually a lot of birth is quite quiet and boring. EastEnders is also a guilty pleasure but I never see a woman waving to The Square, as she gets into a cab shouting "just off to the hospital to have my baby, see you this evening." No, it's always a lot of screaming, running around and giving birth on the floor of the toilets in The Queen Vic.
Our bodies are designed for birth but they do not work if we are fearful. Hypnobirthing releases the fear that surrounds birth and lets our bodies do what they're meant to do.
So what can expectant Mums do to remove the fear from birth stories:
1) Respectfully ask others to wait to share. Invite them to share their story with you once you've had the baby "I would love to hear your experience but can we wait until after my birth so we can talk about our births together?"
2) Tell people you're using Hypnobirthing. "We're using Hypnobirthing so we don't want to hear negative stories. Thank you."
3) Ask for a positive. "What did you love about your birth?"
And what can we do as experienced birthing mums?
1) Pick a positive from your birth. Instead of sharing a whole scary story, pick something you loved about birth. "The birthing pool was great", "the midwives at that hospital are fantastic, you'll really be looked after" or "my birth partner was fantastic, I never knew how strong they were until we went through labour together".
2) Watch your language. Choose what you say carefully. What you say might have a negative impact instead of the positive point you wanted to share. For example, you might say "I had to have an epidural" but what you really meant was "I was really tired so decided to have an epidural. It was amazing as it meant the baby and I could rest."
Well there's my quick thoughts on the topic. My first blog complete. It's a short piece but I'm hoping for quality over quantity hehe.
Don't forget I'm always here to answer your Hypnobirthing questions so please do not hesitate to contact me.
Thanks for reading.